So the time has come to say goodbye. The first group of people I'm saying goodbye to are my closest friends. Many of them have moved away, as they have started new lives with other people or in new locations.
The next group of people I've had to say goodbye to are my students. I've tried my best to influence them as best as I can, but there is only so much I can do. The semester is almost over, and it has been fun.
I'm also saying goodbye to co-teachers. This semester has been fun, but has also been quite complicated and tough. My friendships with these people have changed in the past 8 months, and I'm not sure if it's for the better.
Lastly, I'm saying goodbye to the people I thought I cared about. It seems like they're leaving me for something I've done, something I said. I don't know. I worry sometimes that the person I am makes others turn away from me. Furthermore, these people seem to care about individuals other than myself. I am not a consideration for love. I'm just another.
These past few days have been some of the loneliest I've experienced since I have been back from Japan. Dark thoughts cloud my mind, and I feel completely alone. It's hard to stay optimistic and pretend to be happy when everything around you is changing and leaving.
Part of me wishes I could just move away, leave everything behind and start fresh. But all these feelings are met by doubts and fears of change and lacking opportunity. I feel like the walls are restricting me from truly living. Not only that, but the people I thought I could share that living with are out of my life.
I have nobody to share my problems with. Nobody who gives a damn anymore.
Where do I go from here? I don't see any hope.
